I grew up in a loving Catholic family and have always been strong in my faith, but I never seriously considered religious life while I was growing up. I thought about it a couple of times during college but put it off. It was only after I left school and began my career as a junior high teacher that I began thinking about what God’s plans for my life might be.
During my first years of teaching, I began to think God might be calling me to religious life. At first, the idea was scary to me, mostly because I didn’t really know what that would look like. I also had my own long-standing plans for my life. I began my discernment by developing my relationship with Jesus. I knew that I needed Jesus in the center of my life, no matter where He called me to be. I spent more time in prayer, including reciting the Rosary, reading Scriptures, and just talking to Jesus while I was driving home from work. I also began visiting my parish’s adoration chapel. The beginning of this time happened to coincide with Advent, and I found myself filled with awe and gratitude as I meditated on the Incarnation and then on the Cross. I was also coming to realize how much I needed His grace in my life, especially as I struggled to be the best teacher I could be. I felt that the only response to such love for me was to give my love to Him in whatever way He wanted me to.
Most of my discernment took place within the day-to-day ups and downs, struggles and joys of my life. Sometimes I felt sure I was supposed to be a Sister. The next day, I might think I was completely wrong. Sometimes I got scared. I remember a visit to a community early in my discernment. While their life was very different from my day-to-day experience, I loved the prayer, silence, and time of adoration in front of the Blessed Sacrament. What I was discerning became much more real for me, especially because I was attracted to aspects of their life. This really scared me. I didn’t know much about religious life. How could I plan? Why was I attracted to this? Could I really be a Sister?
In the Gospels, Jesus repeatedly meets the people where they are. He did the same for me through my first years of teaching. Slowly, through talking with a Sister and seeing the community of teachers at my school, I realized how much the desire for community had always been in my heart. I was drawn to more prayer time. I’d always had a desire to love and serve others. That’s the main reason I wanted to teach. My faith was slowly moving from “important” to “the most important” thing in my life. Even when I felt frustrated, tired, overwhelmed, and unsure of anything, Jesus just waited patiently for me to turn to Him so that He could invite me again to trust Him.
During the summer after my second year of teaching, I came to Mishawaka for a discernment retreat. I felt very at home. Talking with the Sisters really helped me, and during prayer in front of the Blessed Sacrament, I felt He really might be calling me to this life. This time there was no fear, only a realization that what I had been so scared of was now the desire in my heart. So, I came back for a few visits, began the application process in October of my third year of teaching, and entered as a postulant in September of 2017. Jesus continues to meet me where I am and teach me through my day-to-day experiences.